I MADE A GROWING OLD CHART

My father said it often and he could not have said it better or more succinctly.  He said:  “Growing Old Stinks.”   No, it is not particularly profound or insightful.  Yes, it is plainly put, simply stated and now that I can relate, probably the most accurate statement I can think of to describe what growing old is like.  True, there are some good moments, sort of, but growing old is a test for even the most optimist of optimist.

I see growing old as a series of more or less. There are more of some things and less of others.  I made a chart so all this stuff is easy to see.  Here’s my chart of the process of growing old so far…more or less…

MORE	LESS
Hurt More	Move Less
Squint More	See Less
Say “what?” more	Hear Less
Sit More	Stand Less
Take more pills	Feel Better Less
Complain more	Tolerate Less
Think About Time More	Watch the Clock Less
Price Check More	Spend Less
Zone Out More	Accomplish Less
Make Lists More	Work Less

I am sure with a little more thought and a little more time spent growing old, I can add to the list.  If you are under sixty, there’s still time for you to move to some other planet where the aging process may work differently.  But if you choose to stay here you will eventually agree that the list is pretty accurate.

If you are one to believe in the theory that “your number’s up at some predetermined time” then it’s all the more unfair that you should have to go through all the stuff on the chart before you get to that point.  There should be some procedure that you are permitted to cut to the chase and not have to pay any dues…sorta like taking the express lane and bypassing all the traffic.  I’ll see you up the road; I plan to be one of those little old men in the slow lane.  Please don’t honk at me–I won’t see well, hear well or remember where I’m going.

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