I’ve had little time of late to simply settle into my thinking chair on the back patio and ponder whatever comes to mind. The big move we are undertaking has kept me busy filling boxes and checking off items on a never-ending to-do list. Time is being consumed at an excellerated rate as I race to complete the move within a self-imposed deadline. There’s that word again…time!
Time is my biggest hang-up. There is no stopping it. How fast I wished it would go when I was an anxious child always wanting to be older, be one of the big kids. Most of my adult life I did not pay it much attention. I just followed through every tick, every tock taking each for granted that there’d always be one following the other. How wasteful! And now…well, now that I am in my 70’s, time looms over everything I do, or so it seems.
I have become super alert to the passing of every day, attempting now to seriously make the most of each one. It follows that I would want to clean up any messes I’ve left behind, mend any fences broken, finish what’s been left undone. But these are daunting tasks and they are burdens some of which I placed upon myself, others having been thrust upon me from alternative sources. Trouble is, some messes can’t be cleaned up, some fences can’t be repaired and some unfinished things are best left alone. It is how life is meant to go…not always perfect and certainly not always the way you want it.
This is where all the what-if’s come in, along with the regrets and guilt. But it’s not all negative. There are things that went well, brought joy and happiness and, most imporant, offered up some peace of mind. It is a mix of all these elements–positive and negative–that have launched Rosemarie and me into our current “move” status. There is some practicality to our needing to downsize at this point in our lives. There are expenses that can be cut and chores elimenated. But there is also a need for change, a revitalization of sorts in that we could both used something new in our lives. What better to turn upside down than the environment in which we have lived the past 23 years. Getting rid of the stairs alone will be a “big deal!” Physically, they have become the nemises for both of us as each assent and dessent challenges our muscle and mind.
It is true what they say, that youth is wasted on the young. Well, maybe not wasted, but lots of it tossed about aimlessly. But that is part of the process we are all meant to go through. Some of us are just better navigators than others. My scope nowadays is more finely focused and my goal is to sop up as much glitter as our golden years will yield…time willing.