I think Christmas lights are manufactured by the devil.  They exist only to frustrate methodical people like me.  By methodicalI mean those of us who label the lights as we put them away each year so that we know exactly which bush or tree gets which string of lights when we reopen them the following year. Yes, I know, analmay be a more appropriate word than methodical.  Wait, there’s more. 

Before I put away each string of lights, I plug them in individually to make sure they all work, the theory being if they are working when packed, they will be working when unpacked.  Ah, there’s the wayward theory that the devil mocks every year.  

That’s why I spent over an hour trying to get 4-5 freshly unpacked strings to work the other day. It was very frustrating, especially because there were so many and because they had all worked when they were put away last year.  Finally, I gave up.  My sanity had given out and I was talking to each string as I pleaded for it to work. I put them all in a pile on the garage floor, got in the car and drove over to Home Depot and and bought new ones to replace them.  But these lights were different.  Instead of a bulb every 5-6 inches, there were bulbs at every 3 inches.  This makes it appear as thought there are a ton more lights than before.  Good grief, the front of my house was already lit up like a…well, like a Christmas tree!

I saw a new device advertised on TV.  It’s a gun-shaped tool that is supposed to “heal” disabled strings of Christmas light. I am skeptical. I do not think one can heal the work of the devil.

Anyway, there’s the final result of my work pictured at the top.  I noticed a lot of my neighbors are switching to inflatable Christmas figures and skipping the lights.  They seem to be a lot easier to handle, but they just don’t set my holiday vibes aflutter. So I guess and I will continue on each year, playing around with my many strings of lights in my attempt to offer up an illuminating experience for a few weeks each December. It’s my way of wishing everyone a Merry Christmas…even the devil.


About Marc Kuhn

I am a retired radio exec. I've worked at major stations in Philadelphia, Washington, D.C. and Miami. That was then. This is now: I've published seven books and this blog thingy. Need to know more? Really? Okay, I bare/bear all at The other links are for the websites of each of the books I've written. I've been busy! Hope you'll stop by and check them out. Thanks for your interest!
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