Have you ever dreamed about being a sports superstar? I wound up going down this path after seeing all the media hoopla as the NFL draft approaches. What sport do you think you would choose? I let my imagination wander far and wide while I played around with this question for a little bit this morning. I didn’t come to any real conclusion, other than listing some specific sports that were automatically ruled out. Both my mother when she was raising me, and my wife since, have had long-standing rules that apply to me based on my sports prowess. These read something like this:
- Marc shall not engage in any activity, sports or otherwise, that involves objects directed toward him at a high velocity. This rule has something to do with my skills in the area of eye/hand coordination, or lack thereof.
- Marc shall not place upon his feet any apparatus that includes free-rolling wheels, thin blades or other instruments leading to the destabilization of balance and his ability to remain upright.
- Marc shall have restrictive permission to hold or otherwise utilize any kind of sharp instrument, i.e., knife, scissors, razors and especially his cooking utility commonly known as a “mandolin.” During such occurrences, he must be wearing protective gear and be under the supervision of a licensed sword swallower or other individual trained in the art of slicing and dicing. It is advised that a medical unit be on standby during any such occurrences.
So, right away, games like baseball, ice hockey, javelin toss, knife throwing, etc. are out of play. I suppose likewise for tennis, basketball, lacrosse, and even ping pong (those little hollow balls can really sting!). Then too, target shooting with gun or bow won’t work. I really like to sail but you must have some minimal coordination that has to be on deck at all times, especially when that boom comes swinging across with no notice.
Football is definitely out too. I could not fathom a 300-pound lineman coming straight at me with knurly teeth dripping in saliva and eyeballs spewing sparks and fireballs everywhichway.
Trust me, I went down the list from A to Z and curling was about the only really safe sport I came up with, although I suppose I could slip on the ice or jab myself in the eye with one of those little brooms.
I did consider golf. Now there’s a sport that has a lot going for it when it comes to the basics: strong competition, competent skills levels required, good fan base, suspense and drama and, of course, a ball. You laugh, but I bet most people, at least most Americans, prefer sports that involve a ball.
So the more I think about it, golf would have to be my game. I like the idea that there is little injury experienced in golf—at least injuries caused by the game. Golf is played outside in nice weather at some phenomenal locations. There’s usually a clubhouse that serves good food. I like good food. Now true, it is a bit more costly to participate in golf. You need membership in a club and a bag of clubs with which to hit the ball. Initially, you probably have to buy your own clothes. Later when you become competitive and start winning, the major sporting goods manufacturers will be badgering you to wear their gear and use their hardware. Meanwhile, there is no running involved in the game of golf. That’s a big deal for me.
Yeah, I think I will go with golf. I will ask my wife and see what she thinks. I know she likes the windmill shot and the big tea kettle with the steam puffing out of the spout.