MulchCoverI am convinced that almost anybody can write a diet book. The key to writing a successful diet book depends upon whether or not the diet concept works, or at least sounds like it could. In fact, given the amount of diet books stacked up in the homes of chronic dieters, you can almost assume people have no problem purchasing just about any book dealing with weight loss and following its direction for a period of time. If the diet works, the book’s followers will sing its praise and spread the word. Regardless, eventually they will tire of whatever it is the book instructed them to do. Soon after, they will abandon its teachings and, assuming the book had some merit, they will subsequently begin gaining back the weight they lost. Then what? Well, then they go out and buy a new book and begin all over again.

Oddly enough, I was not sitting in my thinking chair on the back patio when I first started thinking about all this. Instead, the entire vision came to me while standing on the bathroom scale. I had just finished an hour or more of mulching the trees around my house. Yeah, I said mulching. I’m a big mulcher. I spread mulch just about anywhere something grows around my house, be it trees, bushes, flowerbeds, whatever. I wait for it to go on sale and then load up on it. I like to spread it on thick. Some of my friends tell me I’m good at doing that with other stuff too.

I live in South Florida where the temperatures and humidity can be overwhelming at times. They represent the dues we Floridians pay so that we can laugh at our northern neighbors when winter comes…those of them who don’t migrate to Florida as snowbirds.

An hour of laying mulch in our current temps is pretty strenuous work. A bag of mulch is a lot heavier than a bag of potatoes. After an hour+ I had worked up a pretty good sweat, enough to soak everything I was wearing and enough to exhaust me for the rest of the day. Before I stepped into the shower I weighed myself. I was lighter than usual, a couple pounds lighter. Now, I do not believe an hour’s work around the yard dissolved two pounds of belly fat, but it definitely had some effect. I’ve noticed this before when I’ve been doing hard labor around the house. By now the question I was pondering is obvious. If I did hard, sweaty, exhaustive labor for a continuous period of so many days, how much weight would I really lose? Probably a lot! And so was born my idea for a new diet book: Dr. Marc’s Revolutionary Mulch Weight Loss Program…lay it on thick and watch your body thin!

Okay, I sense some of you about ready to click your mouse and go elsewhere. I understand that. Sure, the Mulch Weight Loss Program is a bit of a stretch…although I might add in some stretching exercises as part of the program. What? You think this is nuts. Well, don’t take my word for it. Just drop by a Barnes & Noble or go to amazon.com and search “diet books” and see what you turn up. You’ll find everything from the Bone Broth Diet to the Think Like a Thin Person Diet to The Hormone Reset Diet and pages and pages more.

You might also want to note that I am a good researcher. You can count on the Mulch Weight Loss Program to be stuffed with credibility.  In fact, when I have finished the clinical studies phase in preparation for publication of my book, I will prove that spreading so many bags of mulch around your garden will lead to “x” number of pounds of weight loss around your waist, proportionate to the number of degrees of temperature at the time you mulched, divided by the number of degrees of humidity…or something like that.

You laugh now, but just wait until you are stretched out on your chaise lounge, sunning yourself in your beautifully mulched backyard while wearing that bathing suit you haven’t been able to get into for the past ten years. You’ll thank me for it…very mulch!


About Marc Kuhn

I am a retired radio exec. I've worked at major stations in Philadelphia, Washington, D.C. and Miami. That was then. This is now: I've published seven books and this blog thingy. Need to know more? Really? Okay, I bare/bear all at http://marckuhn.com The other links are for the websites of each of the books I've written. I've been busy! Hope you'll stop by and check them out. Thanks for your interest!
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2 Responses to DR. MARC’S NEW DIET!

  1. Marc Kuhn says:

    rcarmean: No, I think I’d just shred the idea.


  2. rcarmean says:

    If your diet idea doesn’t work, would you retitle your book: “Mulch Ado About Nothing?”


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