[First, a warning…this posting contains a paragraph that some may consider violent and you are advised to cover your eyes when you come to it or otherwise proceed to the next paragraph. Also, if you have not seen the movie, The Revenant, and plan to, there may be some spoilers presented here about scenes in the movie…but nothing dealing with the plot and its outcome. One more also…this is not a movie review, just some observations about one.]
So the premise is threefold: First, I rarely go to the movies anymore; second, I won’t go to a movie that has a lot of violence in it; and third, I won’t go the to movies on Saturday night because it’s date night and the theaters are always over-crowded and over-priced.
Saturday night I went to see The Revenant.
Yeah, I know. How the hell did that happen? Well, I was upstate a couple hundred miles in Jacksonville, Florida for the weekend. I went there to attend a workshop for authors about ways to market yourself and your books. (Oh, by the way, I must tell you I am an author and I’ve written six books, all of which you can purchase on amazon…go to marckuhn.com to learn more.)
While I was at the workshop, my wife spent time with Bridgette, one of our granddaughters who lives in Jacksonville. The three of us went to an early dinner Saturday and then decided we’d go to a movie. I silently gulped, and did not mention the Saturday night thingy. So Bridgette whips out her telephonaroonie, as I refer to it, and after a brief conversation between her and her phone, she read out the list of movies showing at a theater just about ten minutes away. The Revenant was the winner. I didn’t vote.
Okay, over the past week or two, as I passed in front of the television on the way to the kitchen, I have noticed a few commercials that are currently running to promote The Revenant. Now that we’re on our way to see this movie, I’m thinkin’ “okay, guy gets really messed up in the woods by a snarly grizzly and then has to crawl his way out with a body that is bearly (misspelled pun intended) able to move.” Items to make note of: winter…wilderness…lots of freezing cold temps…snow and unfriendly people everywhere. I figure I can make it through the bear attack if I concentrate on the popcorn and Twizzlers in my lap and then cheer on Leonardo DiCaprio as he claws his way back to civilization and a possible Oscar. I can do this.
Trouble was, I really did not know much about the movie. No one told me about all the arrows that the Indians shoot at the white men and how visually accurate is the depiction of the arrows as they penetrate human skulls and chests and backs and just about every other part of the body.
No one told me about how perceptively real Hollywood can show how a knife and hatchet can likewise sliver and slice their way through various appendages of the human body. I do recall someone telling me perception is reality. No one told me that one can survive the bitter cold of the American wilderness in the 1800’s by slicing open a dead horse, disgorging all its guts and organs and then refilling the now-empty cavity with oneself so you can sleep a another night without freezing to death. I could go on.
Well, if Leonardo can survive this trek, albeit having all the hot chocolate he wanted from the actors’ commissary, I suppose I survived it even without the hot chocolate. The movie ran a little over two-and-a-half hours. It was amazing my restless body remained seated from start to finish. Several times I found myself thinking, “okay, I get it. It’s cold, he’s hurt and there’s lots of snow. Can we move on?”
I left The Revenant convinced of two things. First, I am so happy I live in Florida. I will never move north again. And, second, while all the talk is about Leonard DiCaprio finally snagging an Oscar for Best Actor, it’s the villain, Tom Hardy, who should definitely take home the one for Best Supporting. The bear was pretty good too.