THE SUBJECT IS DOG PEE

BillPetBlock1

Oh wow!  Today we have a pet story.  Ever notice how everybody loves a pet story?  In fact, ever notice too, that after they hear a pet story everybody feels compelled to offer up one of their own?  Well, don’t!

For quite some time now we have not had a rug on the floor in front of the kitchen sink because the old one was just that—old and crappy looking. We threw it out, but we haven’t replaced it because we haven’t come across one that my wife likes. I have seen several that I thought were okay, but no, she did not like them.

There was a time in our relationship when we always agreed on things like rugs and towels and furniture and paint colors. We had identical tastes. Now, 48 years later, it seems almost always if I like something, she doesn’t. I guess my taste has changed.  At least we still like each other although she may be thinking about throwing me out too because I’m…well, like the rug, I’m old and crappy looking.  Anyway, I am tired of all the water that splashes on the floor from the kitchen sink with no rug to absorb it. Once the water hits the floor almost immediately there are a gazillion dirty footprints everywhere. Yippee, one more thing to clean up.

Well, I made a declaration the other day that I had had it with the dirty footprints and I was going to Target to get a new rug. My wife decides to go with me, probably because she’s afraid I’ll buy an ugly rug, like maybe a fur one with a bear’s head still attached at one end. Instead, we get what we always get: a plain beige rug. Beige has been our household standard for as long as I can remember. In fact, when I’m gone, the stone above me will be engraved: Here lies Marc…his life was beige. But I’m okay with all this—I just want the damn rug and at this point I don’t care what color it is.

So, as I might have predicted, Bill The Dog likes the new rug. He likes it so much that he pees on it twice the first night. He does this after we go to bed, obviously thinking we won’t notice since we did not actually see him do the act.  Am I upset? Let’s just say Bill The Dog is very very lucky I am not a violent person.

So off I go to the big pet store and I buy a $13.99 bottle of “Pet Block Repellent Spray” that will stop the dog from peeing on the rug. When I get home I wash the rug in the washing machine as per the instructions and after it dried I drenched it with the Pet Block Repellent Spray. After that dried I laid the run down on the kitchen floor in front of the sink.  Given all this activity, Bill The Dog came over to see what was going on and immediately commenced lying down on the rug. What????  Yeah, you heard right. He simply lowered his furry little body belly-down and got comfy on the rug, the very same rug that I had just sprayed with Pet Block Repellent Spray. Notice how I keep repeating the word, “Repellent.”

Actually, I was the one repelled. I left the room. When I returned in the morning there were two large areas on the rug where Bill The Dog had once again relieved himself. Consequently, I shall return to the pet store with my bottle of Pet Block Repellent Spray and kindly ask them to unrepel my $13.99.  If they don’t, would you think my peeing on their floor makes me a violent person?

*****

So here’s the deal…I am putting out the red carpet for all the following people who recently dropped by marc’s blog and left a “like” behind, which is appreciated a lot more than what Bill the Dog leaves behind. Oh, and the red carpet?  Not to worry, Bill the Dog is in the big house serving time for his crime and he won’t get near it.  Here’s the current list of “likers”….Mike Fuller, Ron Carmean, Ben East, Laura Bree, Kathleen Neiman, Direct Interiors, mohanmurti, The Drabble, Eric Schlehlein, Tracey L. Clark, Elan Mudrow, Ryan Lanz, Eric Voc, Damyanti, E.I. Wong and his good friend Eric.

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About Marc Kuhn

I am a retired radio exec. I've worked at major stations in Philadelphia, Washington, D.C. and Miami. That was then. This is now: I've published seven books and this blog thingy. Need to know more? Really? Okay, I bare/bear all at http://marckuhn.com The other links are for the websites of each of the books I've written. I've been busy! Hope you'll stop by and check them out. Thanks for your interest!
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One Response to THE SUBJECT IS DOG PEE

  1. Anonymous says:

    That’s so hilarious!. Definitely you should take back the ‘repellent’ that has failed so miserably!

    Like

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