In our last episode you will recall that I have purchased a diet book for the first time in my life. I am sure the book will be on the best seller list, if not already. It’s called Zero Belly Diet by David Zinczenko. He’s the flat-bellied fanatic who wrote the series of Eat This Not That diet books. There are about five of those, plus a Drink This Not That and a Cook This Not That and so on. I suppose in suggesting any of his books he would tell you Buy This Not That.
I have to admit, there is a lot of information in his books and he at least offers up substantive testimony regarding what’s good and bad for your body…or to put it more succinctly, what’s fat and not fat for your body. Having never read a diet book this thoroughly before, I’m gullible to believe most anything. Remember, I’m the one who has been going to the gym every other day since the first week in October and spending a good 90 minutes each time attempting to reduce the girth that has expanded around my waste like rings around Saturn. But despite my efforts at the cardio and weight-lifting machines of torture, I have lost NOT one stinking centimeter of stomach. So the answer must be in diet…hence my purchase of Zinczenko’s book. BTW if you buy a copy of Zero Belly Diet the cost is a lot slimmer at amazon than at your neighborhood Barnes and Noble ($14 vs. $26…see, buy this not that).
I had expected to begin the Zero Belly diet the first Monday in February. The book has a full week’s sample meal plan to get you started. I figure I would follow it exactly, even eating things I don’t particularly like. All the recipes are included. The whole concept of planning out all the meals of one day, let alone a full week’s worth, is an almost impossible challenge for me. Now, if I were a rich man, yada dada di, I would hire a cook since every little item has to be custom made. It’s a lot of work. I have to prep all this stuff myself—are you kidding me?
I made a shopping list of all the things I have to buy, even included some items I never heard of and have no idea what they are. All I know is that they all aim their worthiness directly at my stomach and there they will mess around with my genes that produce the fat that goes around it, so much so that the genes will run for their lives and never make my stomach fat again. It’s the great battle of the bulge.
But wait. Holy crap! I can’t begin this diet yet. Why? Because I’m going to Disney World in February. The Zero Belly diet is so specific that it’ll be impossible to follow its regimen at Disney World! I will just have to wait until I get back and then start it. Tell you what—I will do my best to eat healthy while I am at Mickey’s. I won’t buy ice cream and candy and cakes, oh my. And I promise not to over indulge at the restaurants. How’s that? And, oh yeah, no pancakes for breakfast either. OK? Ok?…can’t hear you…ok?…what? …ok?