As some of you may know, my wife and I have the distinct privilege of having one of our teenage granddaughters living with us. Revisiting parenthood, especially after experiencing, albeit brief, the phase known as “empty nesting” is indeed a unique…a unique…okay, I am at a loss of words—let’s just say it’s unique. In the spirit of helpfulness I share with you today one mere element of the experience this opportunity has provided us just in the event you should find yourself in a similar circumstance.
The issue is hair! It is the predominant element in the life of the typical teenage girl living in America today. Hair is an issue for both the head from which it extends, to the other heads living within the same household, namely the overseers of subject teenage young lady. Should your environment be susceptible to invasion by a female teen, here are the more volatile hair issues you can anticipate having to deal with:
- Color – The degree of weird is proportionate to the ratio between the diastolic and systolic blood pressure measurements of the adult overseers. Blue is the current trendy shade, either streaked in with another color, or omnipresent.
- Cut – Hair length is the issue most debated. The exact “Cut” is a subject matter capable of dominating all other concerns of the teenage female. While the Mohawk is not common among young female heads, it is a threat always lurking. The longer the hair is, the more prevalent the discussion about getting it cut, although the debate can be never-ending, going on unresolved for long periods of time.
- Loss – This is the key hair issue in the mind of the male overseer and the one most affecting the household infrastructure, namely, tub drains. The latter are especially susceptible to large accumulation of teen hair, subsequently resulting in the consumption of large accumulation of Liquid Plumber or Draino.
- Consumer Products – Another ratio issue: the ratio of the number of monthly bottles of conditioner consumed vs. the dollar overage amounts directly affecting the monthly budget. A related issue is the degree of hazard to the overseers who are subject to slippage in the tub because of failure on the part of the teenage daughter to properly rinse away the conditioner from the surface of the bathtub or shower stall, hence rendering it more lethal than wet ice.
In sum, if you can achieve any reasonable amount of control over at least one of the hair issues, you are a remarkable individual. However, do not be surprised to learn that the odds are stacked against you and epic fail (a current teenage phrase) is inevitable. The challenge is, yes, I will say it….hair raising!