I have been wrestling with a medical distraction lately and, while I am nowhere near deciding what I will do about it, the whole shenanigans has me playing television game shows. Yeah, I know, this is a stretch but hang with me…
It’s a dream I’m having almost daily: I am a contestant on Let’s Make a Deal. I’m dressed up in a hospital gown holding the back flap closed with one hand and in the other I’m holding the preliminary prize (the diagnosis) I’ve been given.
Before me stands Let’s Make a Deal Host, Dr. Wayne Brady. He has a deal for me. He tells me I can do nothing and keep the diagnosis, or….I could trade it for what is behind the curtain. I’m thinkin’ behind the curtain could be surgery, or a new diet and vitamin supplement program, or a new miracle pill or maybe—just maybe—the horrible death Zonk. Golllllllaaahhly, what to do? The audience keeps shouting, “Take the curtain!” I figure if I follow their advice I could get zonked and I go home in a box (yeah, Wayne might offer me a box, too).
Having to make the decision under all the pressure and all the opinions being shouted at me is quickly becoming a mind-boggling dilemma. I’m considering running for the studio exit and becoming a contestant on another show—Survivor comes to mind.
Suddenly there is a familiar voice shouting at me from the audience. It’s yelling, “Take the Insurance!” Holy crap, it’s my wife. I didn’t even think about the insurance option. Of course my insurance card will be the first thing I’ll have to hand over to Dr. Brady before he’ll reveal what’s behind the curtain. So, indeed, while the pretty lady is standing in front of the curtain with her hands propped in prize-showcase mode, Dr. Brady tells me to hand over my insurance card.
The good doctor quickly scans the card and tells me there is an “issue.” He says he will be happy to reveal what is behind the curtain but he must first get pre-authorization from my insurance company. For that, I am quickly whisked off to another studio down the hall and before you know it, there I am, standing right next to Drew Carey and I’m the new contestant on The Price is Right.
By now I am not sure what to do. Maybe it would be best if I turned off the TV…or maybe I should I get a second opinion. Yeah, I’ll do that. I wonder if Dr. Monty Hall is still practicing.