I was in an e-mail exchange yesterday in which my friend told me she “would never suggest a man say ‘no’ to his wife.” If you are a follower of this blog, you realize this is a line that I simply cannot let rest. But some background first…
My friend—and I hope she accepts that reference—and I go back a long way. We went to high school together. The funny thing is, we have had more conversations in the past year since we became reacquainted than we ever had in high school. In fact, if we exchanged more than 2-3 comments in the four years we attended the same school, I would be surprised. We were simply not in the same “crowd.”
[Insert poignant Taylor Swift lyric here: She’s cheer captain; I’m on the bleachers]
So here we are some 50 years later exchanging e-mails. She lives in Hawaii and I live in Florida. Okay, enough background.
My friend (hereinafter referred to as “S”) is into Deepak Chopra, a well-known Author/New Age guru/holistic medicine kind of guy. Google him if you want more info.
[Insert “adjusted” poignant Taylor Swift lyric here: He wears high heels; I wear sneakers]
So S sent me a link to some of Deepak’s goings-on and added an associated comment that went like this:
“…You know when you have the same conversation with another person and it continues to repeat itself over and over again? Pre-plan for the next time…to change your response, the one you always give. Just an example, you might want to say, “YOU Are Right.” This has to change their response. One little adjustment at a time can change the order of your universe.”
Well, being the witty self that I am, I wrote S back and said, “You are suggesting I should change my response…that is a tremendous risk. I have been saying ‘YOU are right’ to my wife for almost 50 years and now you want me to change that?!! I don’t feel good about this…”
Okay, we have come full circle, back to where I began this diatribe. This is where S responded saying she would “never suggest a man say no to his wife.”
So the question before us is, Should, indeed, a man ever say “no” to his wife? Talk about opening Pandora’s Box. I will make the assumption that the basic answer to this question will vary only two ways depending on the sex of the respondent. But let’s put it to the test:
He: “YOU are right dear, I have no problem with your sleeping with the neighbor.”
She: Well, I would never do such a thing without asking you first. I just knew you wouldn’t say no.”
He: We have taken your mother with us on vacation for the past ten years. How about this year you and I go on one of those romantic island retreats, just the two of us?
She: That would be wonderful, but I really wouldn’t want to hurt Mother’s feelings by not letting her join us. I just know you won’t say no…you are too kind a person.
He: YOU are right.
She: I wish just once you would say “no” to me. It’s always yes yes yes. Why don’t you ever man-up and just tell me to f-off?
He: YOU are right.
[Insert poignant Billy Joel lyric to end blog:
She can ask for the truth but she’ll never believe you,
And she’ll take what you give her as long as it’s free,
Yeah she steals like a thief but she’s always a woman to me.
Regardless, I hope S doesn’t abandon me. I’ve enjoyed the little one-on-one school reunion we’ve been having. I would have never had the nerve to have talked to her this much back when she was a cheerleader…and I was on the bleachers.