HIGH RESOLUTIONS

So here we are, at the end of another year.  Time to put together the annual wish list of things you want to do better next time around.  Ron Carmean, our Contributing Editor, has been looking into the New Years resolutions of some of the folks we see near, although not necessarily so dear.  Here’s Ron’s exclusive list.

resolutons

December is just about over.  What will you do to make next year even better than this rapidly disappearing one?  It is never too early to begin work on your New Year’s resolutions.  And you are not the only person who is planning to make some significant changes in your life next year.  I look forward to hearing these announcements from some well-known people.

1) Beyonce = “I resolve to put aside my musical career and replace it with a new goal: winning an NBA Championship –after I purchase the New York Knicks.”

2) Chris Christie = “I’m not even thinking about running for President.  I just want to be the best Governor in Obama’s White House.”

3) Hillary Clinton = “Once again, I would like to make my services available to the Obama family.  As a Mother, I know what it takes to get a daughter(s) into a good college.  Afterward, she can work in her father’s enterprises and make some serious money.  My advice to Barack and Michelle will be free and worth every cent.”

4) Ted Cruz = “I want my Liberal friends to know that I was only joking in 2013.  They really can trust me with our elderly population who, as Ben Franklin said, will be able to continue to be wise, if not healthy and wealthy.”

5) The NFL’s best quarterbacks (ie, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, Andrew Luck) will issue a joint statement in 2014. = “We resolve to give our opponents a fairer chance at winning next year.  We will limit ourselves to a dozen (12) passes per game in the interests of good sportsmanship.”

6) Vladimir Putin = “I resolve to improve relations between Russia and the United States with the assistance and knowledge of my new advisor, Edward Snowden.”

7) Queen Elizabeth II = ” In 2014, I will relinquish my crown (finally) and give my Grandson, William, the opportunity to wear it proudly.  Have I forgotten anyone?”

8) Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO =  “Next year, I will complete my surprise coup by leaning in even further and taking absolute control of Facebook.  My action will enable Mark to resume his quest toward his true calling: becoming the Next Food Network’s  Iron Chef.”

9) Meryl Streep = “After receiving 17 Oscar nominations, I will finally take a year off from film making and give another actress a chance to be as successful as I have been.”

10) Oprah Winfrey = “In 2014, I intend to follow the lead of Bill Gates and begin to give away most of my fortune to those who can put it to better use.  Imagine another 8 years of an Obama Presidency.  Mitch McConnell cannot, but I can.  That is why I will contribute as much money as possible to make Michelle Obama the Democratic nominee for President of the United States in 2016.”

*****

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About Marc Kuhn

I am a retired radio exec. I've worked at major stations in Philadelphia, Washington, D.C. and Miami. That was then. This is now: I've published seven books and this blog thingy. Need to know more? Really? Okay, I bare/bear all at http://marckuhn.com The other links are for the websites of each of the books I've written. I've been busy! Hope you'll stop by and check them out. Thanks for your interest!
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