photo source: ilawconnect.com
I am the cover boy for this month’s edition of Mystery Man Magazine. I am, indeed, a mystery. Last month I nearly bled to death as the veins inside my esophagus began bursting like rusty old water pipes. After a few days of being poked and prodded in all kinds of locations while I was in the hospital, I was released and sent home with a bunch of new prescriptions.
Soon after, my body must have been pissed off so it went on strike. It initiated a sit-in and refused to get up and move around unless I wanted to feel dizzier than a carnival ride while my pulse took off at warp speed. It was back in the hospital with the assumption that there may be a blood clot in my lungs or a blockage in my arteries. More poking and prodding. Results: all clear, nothing wrong, go home.
My wife wants a second opinon. Dr. 2 knocks me out again and sticks a camera down my throat and one in the back door. The two meet somewhere in the middle. Film at 11. Samples and various tissues are taken and sent to the lab. I’m sent home. Wait. Wait some more. Made the bed. Got winded. Took a shower. Got winded. Blew my nose. Almost keeled over. Wait some more.
Finally, the biopsies come back and show that…..that there is nothing desperately dangerous going on inside me…no explanation for anything that is happening to me…come back in 8 weeks and we’ll put another camera inside you. There are some tangible results, however. I have less money now than I did before all this started. On the other hand, I have more pills now than I did before all this started.
Adding insult to injury, I have been receiving letters from my insurance company explaining that they are not paying my doctors until they provide a more thorough explanation as to why I am seeing them. What’s wrong with this picture? Which reminds me…if you do pick up a copy of this month’s Mystery Man Magazine there’s a nifty picture of man on page 42 who ate a truffle and within minutes an avocado the size of an avocado plopped out of his left nostril. Cool.
Books by Marc Kuhn: THE POPE’S STONE, an historical novel that follows two descendants of a Virginia family who, despite living a century apart, share uncanny similarities in their lives; NEVER GOOSE A MOOSE, a collection of whimsical verse featuring thought-provoking “never-do’s” that children should beware of; and ABOUT A FARM, a children’s book about challenges we all face every day, regardless of where we live. All three books are available at amazon.com and each has its own .com website under its title.
Intimate details about Marc Kuhn and other exhilarating stuff at marckuhn.com
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